Newsgroups: relcom.humor
From: "James Bond" <007@paradise.green.mailflyer.1>
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 Tue 24 Jan 95 22:35
From : Alex Koloskov, 2:5020/309.13 (22 Jan 95 23:52)
Tri gerlicy pod vindom
Pryali pozdnim ivningom...
- Kaby ya byla queen'nica, -
Spikaet odna gerlica, -
YA b dlya fazera-kinga
Super-session sobrala!
- Kaby ya byla kvinnica, -
Middle spikaet gerlica, -
YA b dlya fazera-kinga
Super-Rifle sotkala!
- Kaby ya byla kvinnica, -
Tret'ya spikaet gerlica, -
YA b dlya fazera-kinga
Supermen'a rodila!
A vo vremya razgovora
King stoyal behind zabora,
I uslyshav etot spik,
Pred devicami voznik!
K mladshej podoshel gerlice,
Govorit ej: -Bud' kvinnica!
Vam zhe, milye gerly,
Vymyt' vo dvorce poly!
Starshaya pojdet na kitchen-
K wedding'u chtob byl nachishchen!
Ty zhe, middle, poutru -
Super-Rifle - ko dvoru!..
Tak skazav, s mladoj gerlicej,
Novoyavlennoj kvinnicej,
Udalilsya king v palace.
Super-session sobralas'...
What tam dal'she, bratcy, bylo -
Vse sokrylos' v temnote,
Something hodunom hodilo...
(Feelings now - uzhe ne te!.. )
Zavist' black sester glodala,
Sleep spokojno ne davala,
Dali klyatvu otomstit'
I kvinnicu pogubit'!
I so sledushchej zari
Babarihu privlekli...
|h, tajmy v to vremya byli!
Po field'am vragi hodili
I so strashnymi forsami
Nock'ali drug druga lbami!
9 mesyacev King bilsya,
U kvinnicy boy rodilsya,
Ves - 4.800!
Stejtu budushchij oplot!
To the war idet poslan'e:
"V 3.15 near bani
Mol, kvinnica rodila...
Vot takie, King, dela... "
A grandmother Babariha
Do sih por sidela tiho,
But teper' gonca smanila,
Krepkim vajnom opoila,
I otpravila v svetlicu
Na zabavu s yard - gerlicej
I gonec tot poutru
Vot takuyu vez muru:
"Spikayut, rodilsya baby
V sovershennom nepotrebe,
Ne gerlica i ne boy,
Neponyatno, who takoj... "
Krov' kingova goryacha -
Head goncu on snes s plecha,
No potom nazad pristavil,
Vot chto otvezti zastavil:
"CHeburashku sohranit'!
Pozzhe budem desajdit'! "
Tut opyat'-grandmother v dele,
S neyu - yard-gerlica v tele,
Tumble-rumble do rassveta,
|to - to, a eto - eto...
I kvinnice guy privez
Babarihinskij donos:
"King velit svoim boyaram,
Vremeni ne tratya darom,
I kingusyu i kvinnicu
Brosit' v more - osvezhit'sya!
YA vo gneve i t. d.,
Pust' dostanutsya vode!.. "
Delat' nechego - kingova
Volya ot slova do slova!
V barrel sadyat Queen s priplodom,
Beach vysokij... S bogom - v vodu!
A v insajde - povariha
I grandmother Babariha,
So zlym lajfingom v ajsah
I so skorb'yu na ustah...
Dumayut: "Est' bog na skae!
Pust' vodichki pohlebayut.
Nu, a my tut cheredom
Razberemsya i s King'om!
|ka nevidal' - children!
Byl by pod rukoyu man!.. "
Den' za dnem, a barrel v more,
Queen v bespamyatstve i gore:
"Kak mog King deside takoe?!
Very podloe i zloe...
CHto zhe delat' now nam -
Vek nosit'sya po volnam?... "
SHli tajmy, boy ulongyalsya,
V barrel prosto ne vmeshchalsya
I v odin prekrasnyj day
Kriknul: -More, pozhalej!
My na beach hotim s kvinnicej,
Pomogi tam ochutit'sya!
More ocenilo speech,
Barrel vyneslo na beach
I ushlo. Kingus' head'om
Vmig raspravilsya so dnom!
- Mother! - kriknul - My na vole!
Vizhu hill v shirokom pole,
Oak-tree na nem moguchij,
Tam my skroemsya ot tuchi,
Nu, a dal'she poglyadim -
Mozhet, country sozdadim
I torgovuyu firmu
Na sebya, maman', voz'mu!..
Tol'ko konchil eto speak -
Slyshit on na more krik!
Vidit - v skae korshun flaet
I na lebed' napadaet!
King skoree luk slomil,
CHtoby korshuna to kill!
(Da! Sovsem forget skazat' -
Kingusya Gvidonom zvat'.
Name mamasha podyskala,
No Saltanu ne skazala... )
Luk babahnul - korshun v water!
Iz morya vyhodit rota
Supermenov-molodcov,
S nimi - uncle bez usov.
Uncle otvesil big poklon
I skazal: -My friend Gweedon!
Nam iz korshunov konservy
Tvoi dejstvuyut na nervy!
Kol' tuhlyatiny ty v more
Vpred' ne sbrosish' - my v dozore
Budem ireland tvoj hranit'
I tvoj state prevoznosit'!
Prinimaj na sluzhbu nas
I zapisyvaj v prikaz!
Night nastala, moon plyvet,
Gvidon think about bird...
Rannim utrechkom vdrug town
Over him stoit na slavu!
Mother ahaet puglivo:
- CHur to me! Takoe divo!
- Tiho, mamka! Vizhu I
Teshitsya lebedka my!..
Vhodyat. Town very beauty -
Vse na gaze, na mazute,
Kary begayut po stritam,
Happy vse krugom i syty,
Moshchno factory dymit,
People navstrechu im valit.
Vse s pochetom ih vstrechayut,
V gor-palace ih provozhayut,
Kto-to proiznosit speech:
- CHtoby bol'shego dostich',
Stan', Gvidon, glavoj nad nami!
Vse kivayut golovami,
I Gvidon otvetil: -Yes!
Very mnogo tut chudes!
Good! YA budu zdesya pravit',
Ireland nash po svetu slavit',
Vmeste s matushkoj moej
Budem podzhidat' gostej...
Life nespeshno protekala,
All is good - i gorya malo!
Tol'ko vidit mother - chasto
Knyaz' Gvidon, pravitel' vlastnyj,
Grustnyj hodit po beach'u,
Face podoben kirpichu...
Kak-to, uluchiv moment,
Kogda knyaz', kak postament,
Na hill'e stoyal pod dubom,
Mayas' v silenc'e ugryumom,
Queen sprosila: -What with you?
- Tears gor'kie ya l'yu!
Tuta girls takie hodyat,
Na menya tosku navodyat...
I potom - ved' father est'!
CHto zh on ne okazhet chest'?!
Ne priedet k nam s toboyu?
I dobavil word plohoe...
- Batya, vidno, nas forget!
Vot uzho postroyu jet!..
Tol'ko eto on promolvil -
On the sea podnyalis' volny,
Ptichkoj b'etsya knyazya heart-
Vyplyvaet lebed'-bird...
Lebed' ask: -Ty chto, Gvidonchik?
Otvechaet ej vikonchik:
- Father'a hochu uvidet'!
Tol'ko tak, chtob ne obidet',
Gde-to iz-za ugolka,
CHtob ne volnovat' poka...
Tol'ko molvil - jet ne nado!
V centre u kingova sada
Ochutilsya nash Gvidon!
(V komara byl prevrashchen
On for pushchej maskirovki,
Polnyj tajny and snorovki... )
CHto zhe vidit on? V palac'e,
Ves' smurnoj, kak day nenastnyj,
King sidit, a ryadom tiho
Hitryj face - to Babariha!
Dve sestry ot trona sboku.
King serdit: -CHto l' netu proku
Mne v kupcah moih sovsem?!
Ili utonut' im vsem
Priklyuchilosya v puchine?
Gde doklady? V chem prichina?
Ili v svete net chudes?!
On vo gneve s trona slez...
Tut kak tut kupcy s otvetom:
- Many plyli my po svetu!
Privezli tebe kino,
I vino, i domino,
No remember bol'she vseh
Gweedon's ireland! Sestry - v smeh!
Im grandmother gromko vtorit:
- Nu podumaesh', na more
Ireland, city - nu i che?
King vz®yarilsya: -Kol' eshche
Kapat' you will be na mozgi -
Vzyat'sya ya velyu za rozgi!
Prodolzhajte! CHto za town?
Oh, my King! Tam vse na slavu!
Tam u nih, edrena mat',
Vse, chto hochesh', mozhno zhrat'!
Net nitritov, net nitratov,
Net ni ryzhih, ni gorbatyh!
Factory dymit zdorovyj,
ZHenshshiny krugom, korovy!
People tam dovolen vsem,
Est' komp'yuter IBM -
Vse oni na nem schitayut,
CHut' chego - programmy est',
Nikogda ne progorayut,
Vot ej-bogu, Vasha chest'!..
Da! Eshche takoe wonder!
Iz morya vyhodit banda
Supermenov-molodcov!
S nimi - uncle bez usov!
A v palac'e belka live,
I poet pri vsem narode
Na Barykina parod'i
Na lyuboj ego motiv!
Est' i video salon,
A glavoj tam knyaz' Gvidon,
V gosti on tebya zovet,
Koli nado - jet prishlet...
- A chevo takoe "jet"?
- |to, King, letuchij flat!
Sel v nego - i cherez chas -
Vot tebe Gweedon's palace!
Tut grandmother Babariha
Zavopila s povarihoj:
- To, chto v more kto-to dyshit -
Erunda! Koli ty slyshal,
YA kupila akvalang!
Nadevaj - i sam, kak uncle,
V nashe lake sigaj s gusyami!
You naduli s chudesami!
Belku entu - v basturmu!
Podrazhaet Kuz'minu!
A pro videosalony
Govoryat, chto tam pritony,
Bezobraziya i SPID
V kazhnoj babe tam sidit!
To li delo - princess est',
Prosto eyes nel'zya otvest'!
Miss Evropa sego goda
Ryadom s nej - kak s ogoroda...
Tut Gvidon ne uterpel,
Babarihe v glaz vletel,
Dvuh sester poputno tyapnul,
Obletel kingovu shlyapu,
I momentom - go home! -
Vnov' vikontom vstav na holm...
King oret: -Poedu ya!!!
Where live moya sem'ya?!
Vmeste b chudo posmotreli,
CHto tam kak na samom dele,
Very interesen mne
Kal'kulyator "I-Be-Me"...
Knyaz' opyat' v bol'shoj toske,
Vidit - lebed' na peske.
- CHto, sletal? I kak tam father?
Otvechal Gvidon ne srazu:
- A ty znaesh', lebed'-bird,
Gde-to princess tut zhivet,
Vzbalamutila mne zhist'!
Oh, I love ee, kazhis'!
Gde zhe vzyat' mne princess tu?
Zastrelyus' ya na mostu!
- Well, Gvidon, ne nado cry!
Posmotri, kakoe sky!
Yellow sun na nem siyaet...
- Green toska menya s®edaet!
Net mne kajfa bez nee!
Where lezhit moe ruzh'e?!
Govorya ves' etot speech,
Knyaz' Gvidon smotrel na beach,
I ne videl, kak iz water,
Skinuv per'ya, kryl'ya, shorty
Princess wonderful soshla,
Strojnaya, aki strela!
A uzh face i ostal'noe -
Trudno uderzhat'sya stoya!
Obernuvshis' v tot moment,
Knyaz' podumal: -Vse, the end!
Krysha s®ehala moya!
Proshchevajte, mol, druz'ya...
... Vremechko techet, kak Volga,
CHtob ne utomlyat' vas dolgo
Dlinnoj povest'yu svoej,
YA skazhu - polno gostej
Vskore bylo u Gvidona -
Prezidenty, Maradony,
Vsya tusovka sobralas'
Vo gvidonovskij palace.
Veselilis' do upadu
Vse azh seven sutok kryadu!
Vot i vse, pozhaluj, bratcy.
Kak netrudno dogadat'sya,
King Saltan priznal sem'yu,
Happy end, as since we knew!
Snova sun siyaet v sky -
Well, good-buy, my friends,
good-buy!..
Last-modified: Tue, 16 Apr 1996 08:43:50 GMT