Larisa Matros. |sse --------------------------------------------------------------- © Copyright Larisa Matros Email: LarisaMatros@aol.com WWW: http://www.geocities.com/matrosl/ ¡ http://www.geocities.com/matrosl/ ZHurnal " Vestnik" 12 No, 1994 (Baltimor); Gazeta "Vsemirnye odesskie novosti" No 1 1995 (Odessa); Gazeta "Novaya zhizn'" 1996 (San-Francisko) Date: 21 Sep 2001 --------------------------------------------------------------- Oglavlenie Moj SHolom-Alejhema, 40 Kak divno sveti posle buri solnce O Sole Mio YA i ditya Ne zabyt' budushchee V pamyat' o druge Hram ili plaha Garmoniya mezhdu "Nado" i " Hochu" Krasota spaset mir, esli mir spaset krasotu Moj SHolom-Alejhema, 40 V odin iz vesennih vecherov ya byla odna doma v Akademgorodke i, zanimayas' domashnimi delami, kak tipichnyj predstavitel' epohi NTR, kotoryj ne mozhet zhit' bez shumovogo fona, vklyuchila radiotochku, ne slushaya ee. No tut, kak vnezapnyj grom, radio izreklo slova, kotorye, vyzvav drozh' v tele, ne hoteli, odnako, vklyuchat'sya v soznanie. Slova byli sleduyushchie: "SHolom-Alejhema, 40... " "CHto za mistika! "- mel'knulo v golove. Estestvenno, chto menya, kak i kazhdogo odessita, gde by on ni prozhival, pered aprelem, kogda raspuskayutsya akacii, kogda Odessa smeetsya v Den' smeha 1-go i otmechaet den' osvobozhdeniya 10-go "kazhdoj vesnoyu tyanet v etot solnechnyj i radostnyj gorod u CHernogo morya". Odnako eto nichego sverh®estestvennogo ne porozhdalo, krome schast'ya dostavaniya bileta i svoevremennogo vyleta v Odessu kazhdyj god v razgar otpusknogo sezona. A tut radio(! ) proiznosit adres moego rodnogo dvora, gde proshlo vse moe detstvo i yunost', kuda ya kazhdyj god priezzhayu v otpusk i kuda postoyanno pishu pis'ma. YA shvatila v ruki drebezzhashchij yashchishchek, kotoryj, ne schitayas' s tem, chto mne trudno sosredotochit'sya iz-za ohvativshego volneniya, bystro izrekal primerno sleduyushchee: "Sobytiya etoj aktual'noj p'esy perenosyat nas v solnechnuyu Odessu semidesyatyh godov... " Da, somnenij net-eto o moem dvore. Diktor chto-to prodolzhal govorit', no ya uzhe ne mogla ego slushat'. YA pomchalas' k telefonu... No komu skazat', komu pozvonit' zdes' v Sibiri, kogo eto kasaetsya? YA brosila trubku i opyat' pobezhala k priemniku, kotoryj, diktuya familii-"Borodatyj, Ploshchanskaya i drugie... ", sredi kotoryh proshla moya odesskaya zhizn', bil po strunam natyanutyh nervov, gotovyh v lyuboj moment lopnut'. Sleduyushchie neskol'ko mesyacev byli ozareny mechtoj poskoree okazat'sya v Moskve, pojti v teatr Stanislavskogo, posmotret' spektakl', uznat' adres avtora p'esy i vstretit'sya s nim. I vot v iyune odnogo iz pervyh, vo vsem vnushayushchih optimizm godov perestrojki ya, naryadnaya, na vysokih kablukah, shla po ozarennoj luchami solnca ulice Gor'kogo k teatru Stanislavskogo s chuvstvom gordosti i ozhidaniya chuda. Moj opyt vechnoj begotni v poiskah biletov posle rabochego dnya vo vremya mnogochislennyh moskovskih komandirovok podskazal, chto luchshe vsego pojti k chasam chetyrem, kogda poyavlyayutsya administratory, gotovye k boyu s odolevayushchimi ih u vhoda i u kass teatralami. Ne vstrechaya nikakih pregrad, ya postuchala v dver' administratora i, ne uslyshav otveta, perestupila porog. Za stolom v zharkoj komnate sidel nemolodoj polnyj muzhchina v rasstegnutoj do poyasa i mokroj ot pota rubashke. Ne predlozhiv mne sest' i ne podnimaya golovy ot bumag, on skazal: " YA vas slushayu... " -- Ponimate, -- vydavlivala ya iz sebya vzvolnovanno, teryaya ot ego neprivetlivosti zhelanie proiznosit' zaranee zagotovlennye slova, -- SHolom-Alejhema, 40", -- eto moj rodnoj dvor, poetomu ya by.... -- Poslushajte, -- perebil administrator, vytiraya lico mokrym platkom, -- vy znaete, skol'ko tut razvelos' s SHolom- Alejhema, 40! YA ocepenela. Administrator zhe opyat' opustil golovu k bumagam. -- No pozvol'te, -- proiznesla ya v otchayan'i, -- kto dal vam pravo menya oskorblyat'?! V eto vremya zazvonil telefon, i "nachal'nik", demonstriruya, chto nahoditsya v pustoj komnate, gde menya uzhe net, povernulsya vpoloborota k oknu, i nachal govorit' v trubku... Spustya kakoe-to vremya malointeresnyj spektakl' "SHolom- Alejhema, 40", posvyashchennyj dozvolennoj uzhe k obsuzhdeniyu teme emigracii, byl pokazan po televizoru, vyzvav razocharovanie, ibo zayavlennyj v samom nazvanii Dvor, kak glavnyj geroj p'esy, v nej sovsem ne otrazhen. No mne stalo zhal', chto grubyj administrator otbil u menya ohotu togda vstretit'sya s avtorom p'esy, pogovorit' s nim, vyrazit' blagodarnost' uzhe za odno to, chto emu udalos', ochevidno, pochuvstvovat', pust' i ne otrazhennuyu v p'ese, unikal'nost' etogo tipichnogo dvora v centre Moldavanki. I vot segodnya, vnov', nakanune aprelya, kogda, kak i kazhdoj vesnoj, tyanet v solnechnyj radostnyj gorod, pamyat' vozvrashchaet menya v moj dvor po adresu: Odessa, SHolom-Alejhema, 40. Nash v pyshnyh akaciyah dvor, raspolozhennyj na uglu ulic SHolom- Alejhema (v proshlom Myasoedovskoj) i Budennogo (byvshej Bolgarskoj), obrazovan primykayushchimi drugu k drugu dvuhetazhnymi fligelyami, (s borta samoloeta , navernoe, videlsya by neakkuratno narisovannym parallellepipedom), v kroshechnyh, bez kakih-libo udobstv, kvartirah kotorogo togda zhili lyudi samyh raznyh soslovij (vrachi, torgovcy na Privoze, parikmahery, sapozhniki, portnye, voennye, politrabotniki i dr. ), raznyh nacional'nostej, sluzhil vsem nam, slovno kompensaciej za tesnye, mrachnye zhilishcha. Osnovnaya zhizn' vseh vmeste i kazhdogo v otdel'nosti prohodila vo dvore, gde vse vse znali drug o druge. Nekotorye sosedi inogda ssorilis', obmenivalis' oskorbleniyami, dohodyashchimi do drak, no vse drug druga lyubili i gotovy byli otkliknut'sya po pervomu zovu o pomoshchi. Zdes' vse, nezavisimo ot nacional'nosti, sorevnovalis' v prigotovlenii ukrainskogo borshcha s chesnokom, evrejskoj farshirovannoj ryby, russkih shchej. V dni nacional'nyh prazdnikov nas, detej, roditeli, (chasto ne religioznye) otpravlyali po vsem sosedyam raznosit' im ritual'nye ugoshcheniya. I potomu v dni evrejskih prazdnikov russkie i ukrainskie sem'i eli, sravnivaya kulinarnye dostoinstva sosedok, izdeliya iz macy, farshirovannuyu rybu, strudel', i t. d., a v dni pravoslavnyh prazdnikov stoly v evrejskih kvartirah lomilis' ot krashennyh yaic, pashal'nyh kulichej i pr. * Moi pervye vospominaniya o dvore s ledenyashchim chuvstvom straha, skovyvayushchem vseh sovetskih lyudej vo vremena stalinshchiny, otnosyatsya k koncu sorokovyh. |to bylo vesnoj sorok vos'mogo ili sorok devyatogo goda, kogda my, devchonki, dovol'nye tem, chto nachalis' vesennie kanikuly i nam uzhe razreshili snyat' chulki so vsegda spolzayushchimi i peretyagivayushchimi nogi rezinkami i nadet' nosochki, izmozhdennye ot prygan'ya v igre v "klassiki" i skakalki, sideli na stupen'kah lestnicy odnogo iz fligelej, boltali i rasskazyvali anegdoty (lyubimoe zanyatie odessitov vseh vozrastov). Anekdoty byli detskie, naivnye. Rasskazyvali obychno devchonki postarshe, a my, malyavki, delaya vid, chto ponimaem sut' paradoksa, hohotali gromche vseh. Osobenno my lyubili anegdoty pro Pushkina i Krylova, v kotoryh obygryvalis' raznye kollizii ih sostyazaniya v parodijnym stihoslozhenii v situaciyah, svyazannyh so stremleniem k ovladeniyu vnimaniem dam na ballah. Uzhe bylo temno, kogda ya, vsya lohmataya ot pryzhkov i vozbuzhdennaya ot smeha, prishla domoj. Za stolom sideli vzroslye i o chem-to govorili, ne obrashchaya na menya vnimaniya. Poka ya v umyval'nike, visevshem tut zhe, nedaleko ot stola, gde vse sideli, myla ruki, do menya doleteli slova: "On "sidit" za anekdot". YA sovershenno ne znala, o chem i kom oni govoryat, no strah togo, chto za anekdot sazhayut v tyur'mu, mnoj ovladel polnost'yu. Pervoe zhelanie bylo bystro priznat'sya otcu, chto my ves' vecher rasskazyvali anegdoty. No mne stalo strashno ego ispugat'. Zamknuvshis' naedine so svoim gorem, ya vsyu noch' prislushivaas' k zvukam, ne idet za mnoj miliciya. Edva dozhdavshis' utra, ya reshila rasskazat' vse mame, no i etot bar'er ya ne mogla preodolet'. Proshlo poldnya, a ya, k maminomu udivleniyu, ne vyhodila vo dvor, boyas', chto menya arestuyut. YA pomnyu, kak ya togda nenavidela vseh svoih podruzhek po dvoru, souchavstvuyushchih so mnoj v tom, za chto arestovyvayut, i v to zhe vremya mne bylo zhal' ih za to, chto i oni okazhutsya v tyur'me. Tak, v otchayan'i, s kotorym mne bylo stashno s kem-to podelit'sya, proshlo neskol'ko dnej. Podruzhki igrali vo dvore, kak ni v chem ni byvalo, ne podozrevaya o moih stradaniyah, i vse bol'she vtyagivali menya v obychnye dvorovye dela, kotorye vernuli postepenno spokojstvie, no ne smogli izbavit' ot voznikshej nadolgo nenavisti k anekdotam. SHolom- Alejhema, 40! Sredi mnogochislennyh sobytij nashego dvora pamyat' hranit fakty, svyazannye so skarlatinoj. Moya sestra zabolela tyazheloj formoj etoj bolezni, pri kotoroj v obyazatel'nom poryadke zabolevshih gospitalizirovali, daby predotvratit' rasprostranenie infekcii. Nasha mama, kak ognya, boyalas' bol'nic, sostoyanie kotoryh v gody poslevoennyh lishenij malo garantirovalo sohranenie zdorov'ya i zhizni. I potomu, ona naotrez otkazalas' otdat' sestru v bol'nicu. Po predpisaniyu vracha otca uvolili s raboty, a s roditelej vzyali raspisku v tom, chto oni izveshcheny, chto esli hot' odin rebenok vo dvore zaboleet skarlatinoj, im grozit bol'shoj shtraf i nakazanie. Roditeli boyalis' ne ugroz so storony rajonnyh vlastej, a neponimaniya sosedej. No ves' dvor podderzhal sem'yu moral'no i material'no. ZHil'cy sami organizovali sistemu profilaktiki, i vo dvore nikto ne zabolel. SHolom- Alejhema, 40! Dvor iz 52 kvartir, kotoryj mne nuzhno bylo ves' projti po doroge iz shkoly domoj (tak kak nasha kvartira raspolagalas' v protivopolozhnom ot vorot konce dvora) i pered vsemi otchitat'sya o poluchennyh ocenkah, o napisannyh kontrol'nyh, o pooshchreniyah i nakazaniyah. I nikakih pobed i neudach nel'zy bylo skryt' ot teti Poli Kosoj, ot teti Soni Ploshchanskoj, dyadi Josi Borodatogo, ot teti Ani Molchanovoj, ot Anny Nikolavny Dragomoreckoj, ot teti Marusi Molchanovoj, ot teti Beti Krugolec, ot dyadi Izi, i ni ot kogo drugogo s pervogo i vtorogo etazha, tak kak vse deti nashego dvora uchilis' v odnoj shkole- No103, i vse obo vseh uznavali tut zhe. Neskol'ko let nazad, gulyaya po odnomu iz novyh mikrorajonov Odessy- Tairova, ya uvidela shchemyashchuyu dushu kartinu. Na uglu peresecheniya dvuh magistralej, u bol'shogo mnogoetazhnogo doma, neskol'ko devochek, odetyh v samodel'nye kostyumy, izobrazhali kakoe-to teatral'no- koncertnoe dejstvo i radovalis' kazhdomu sluchajnomu prohozhemu, udostoivshemu ih vnimaniem. Mne bylo zhal' etih devochek. Oni navernyaka zhili v svetlyh, uluchshennoj planirovki, kvartirah etogo bol'shogo doma. Ih zhilishcha byli nesravnenno luchshe nashih, no u nih ne bylo nashego dvora! Glyadya na nih, ya vspominala nashi dvorovye spektakli, dlya kotoryh bednye, v bol'shinstve nichego ne imeyushchie, tyazhelo rabotayushchie nashi roditeli, nahodili terpenie i vremya, chtoby sobrat'sya vecherom posredi dvora na skamejkah, imitiruyushchih teatral'nye kresla, dlya slushaniya na polnom ser'eze nashih spektaklej i koncertov, gde nam gromko hlopali i vyzyvali na bis. Kakaya sila nravstvennogo vospitaniya soderzhalas' v etom vnimanii, v bol'shinstve svoem prostyh lyudej, nikogda ne chitavshih Tolstogo, CHehova i drugih, kotoryh my im igrali! SHolom- Alejhema, 40- nash samyj strogij uchitel' i souchastnik vo vsem. Kazhdyj god v nashem dvore kto-to zakanchival shkolu, i eto sobytie bylo vseobshchim. Izvestna odesskaya davnyaya tradiciya v noch' pered vypusknym ekzamenom po sochineniyu idti k pamyatniku Pushkina na Primorskom bul'vare, chtoby uznat' tam temy. Nikto ne pomnit, s kakih por eto povelos', no kazhdyj god novye pokoleniya vypusknikov shkol k Pushkinu i vsegda "u nego" okazyvalas' zapisochka s temami sochinenij, kotorye po instrukcii polozheno bylo ob®yavlyat' v klasse v moment nachala ekzamena pri vskrytii na glazah u vseh zapechatannogo konverta, kogda vse sideli za partami s poluchennymi special'nymi listami, na kotoryh nuzhno bylo pisat' sochinenie. Tak bylo po vsej strane, no tol'ko ne v Odesse. To est', v Odesse tozhe soblyudalas' vsya eta oficial'naya procedura, no s odnoj lish' tol'ko raznicej, chto vse desyatiklasniki, idya na ekzamen, uzhe znali temy sochinenij. V tu vesnu, kogda ya zakanchivla shkolu, po Odesse stali hodit' sluhi o tom, chto Oleg Koshevoj i mnogie molodogvardejcy zhivy, zhivut gde-to za granicej, i prochie nebylicy. I vot, nesmotrya na eto, "svedeniya" Pushkina soobshchali, chto zavtra odnoj iz tem sochineniya budet "Obraz Olega Koshevogo", kotoryj my horosho prorabatyvali v techenie uchebnogo goda. V tot god vo dvore nas bylo neskol'ko, kto zakanchival shkolu. Kogda my vernulis' noch'yu "ot Pushkina", sosedi, kak obychno v takih sluchayah, ne spali i zhdali nas. My byli v somnenii i vpervye byli gotovy "ne poverit'" Pushkinu, No sosedi skazali, chto "Pushkin nikogda ne obmanyvaet, emu nuzhno verit'! ". Vse zhe my prosideli vsyu noch', prosmatrivaya uchebniki, chtob byt' gotovymi ko vsemu. Sosedi i zdes' okazalis' pravy -- Pushkin ne obmanul nas. V nachale shestidesyatyh ya, vyjdya zamuzh, uehala s muzhem v chisle otlichnikov-romantikov- "osvaivat' Sibir'" i byla blagodarna sud'be za to, chto ona svela menya s Akademgorodkom -- unikal'nym v tu poru ostrovkom sosredotocheniya intellektualov, internacional'nyh i demokraticheskih principov zhizni. No eto niskol'ko ne zatmevalo lyubov' k rodnomu gorodu i dvoru, kuda my ezdili v otpusk. Nash dvor vstrechal menya ( spustya neskol'ko let posle ot®ezda) iz roddoma, gde ya rodila svoyu doch', special'no priehav dlya etogo v Odessu- chtob u docheri v svidetel'stve o rozhdenii byl ukazan adres nashego odesskogo dvora. SHolom- Flejhema, 40! Nash dvor lyubil krasotu i osobym pochtenim otnosilsya k krasivym lyudyam. Moj otec byl odnim iz nih. Projdya vsyu vojnu s ee pervyh dnej, on vernulsya s raneniem stopy, iz-za kotorogo emu amputirovali pal'cy levoj nogi. Dom, v kotrom roditeli zhili do vojny, byl razrushen i sem'yu poselili v kroshechnuyu, kak i vse tam, neblagoustroennuyu kvartiru na SHolom-Alejhema, 40. Otec s mamoj uehali s SHolom- Alejhema, 40, prozhiv tam okolo dvadcati let, v novyj mikrorajon v blagoustroennuyu kvartiru, o kotoroj mechtali vsyu zhizn', kogda (o, gore! ) 55-letnego otca moego uzhe perenesli na nosilkah beznadezhno bol'nogo. On byl v polnom soznanii, no uzhe ne mog hodit'. Otec umer cherez neskol'ko mesyacev. YA s muzhem i docher'yu prileteli, uspev zastat' ego eshche zhivym. Bylo za polnoch', vsya nasha sem'ya byla u ego posteli, no my byli odni v novom rajone, nikogo ne znaya vokrug. Telefona, estestvenno, ne bylo. CHerez tret'ih lic peredali o nashej bede komu-to iz rodstvennikov, kto imel telefon. No uzhe s nastupleniem rassveta povalili sosedi s SHolom-Alejhema, 40. Grob s telom stoyal posredi dvora, i celyj den' podhodili sosedi, osypaya ego zhivymi cvetami. Moj otec, ne imeya nikakogo muzykal'nogo obrazovaniya, igral na mnogih muzykal'nyh instrumentah; muzyka byla neot®emlemoj chast'yu ego zhizni. I v te skorbnye dni SHolom- Alejhema, 40 otdal poslednyuyu dan' vkusam otca. Byl priglashen duhovoj orkestr, kotoryj vmeste so vsemi obitatelyami dvora provodil otca v poslednij put'. SHolom-Alejhema, 40! |to ne tol'ko kusochek administrativnogo prostranstva solnechnogo i prekrasnejshego iz gorodov mira -- Odessy. |to prezhde vsego nravstvennaya sreda, kotoraya formirovala lyudej, pomogala im vyzhit' vo vremya ispytanij. I esli administrativnoe prostranstvo pod nazvaniem "SHolom-Alejhema, 40" ostalos' v staryh masshtabah, to eto nravstvennoe prostanstvo s serediny semidesyatyh godov sushchestvenno rasshirilos', perevaliv za CHernoe more i okean. Po-raznomu skladyvayutsya sud'by lyudej s SHolom-Alejhema. 40. No v kakoj by tochke zemli ih traektorii ne pereseklis', oni vstrechayutsya kak rodnye lyudi, gotovye vse sdelat' drug dlya druga, svyazannye navechno tem, chto trudno opisat', chto trudno rasskazat' i chto skryvaetsya za tol'ko im ponyatnymi slovami "SHolom- Alejhema, 40 ". I sejchas, nakanune leta, kogda, kak i kazhdyj god, tak tyanet menya v Odessu, moj solnechnyj gorod, ya shlyu tebe i vsem tvoim predstavitelyam vo vseh ugolkah zemli, SHolom-Alejhema, 40, svoj nizhajshih poklon v znak blagodarnosti za vse! Sant- Luis 1994 g. Copyright@ Larisa Matros "Kak divno svetit posle buri solnce... " "Panorama" No 772, 1996 (Los Anzheles) Mozhet byt' ya eshche kogda-nibud' napishu o svoem vpechatlenii ot pervoj vstrechi s Parizhem, kotoraya sostoyalas' vesnoj proshlogo goda. Rashozhaya fraza- "Uvidet' Parizh i umeret'" (davshaya nazvanie populyarnomu fil'mu)- kto iz nas ne proiznosil ee hot' odnazhdy v zhizni... No moi zametki ne ob etom. YA hochu podelit'sya svoimi vospominaniyami ob odnom vechere v Parizhe, kotoryj napolnilsya osobym smyslom i vpechatleniem pod vozdejstviem zamechatel'nogo esse Aleksa Borisova, oublikovannom v novogodnem vypuske "Panoramy". Rech' v nem idet o moem zemlyake -- odessite, izvestnom pod imenem Karuzo. Aleks opisyvaet svoi vstrechi s etim chelovekom v raznye puriody zhizni, nachinaya s teh let, kogda etot yunyj krasavec s prekrasnym golosom (za chto i byl udostoen titula "Karuzo"), osirotevshij v vojnu, brodil s mal'chishskoj "shpanoj" po ulicam Odessy, zarabatyvaya na zhizn' svoim peniem, i v te gody, kogda on stal profesional'nym artistom, i na emigrantskih dorozhkah, kogda ih sud'ba svela v Italii. Tot vecher v Parizhe, o kotrom ya vedu rasskaz, vypal na nachalo maya, kogda mir otmechal pyatidesyatiletie Pobedy nad fashizmom. Ogromnye tolpy lyudej, trogatel'naya ceremoniya u Triumfal'noj arki, posvyashchennaya etoj date, -- vse eto vyzvalo gammu ostryh nostal'gicheskijh vospominnij, svyazannyh s poslevoennym detstvom. My s muzhem vozvrashchalis' v nashu gostinnicu, raspolozhennuyu na odnoj iz ulochek, otvetvlyayushchihsya ot Elisejskih polej, uzhe zatemno. Hotelos' poskoree popast' v nomer, vklyuchit' televizor, gde, navernyaka, v "novostyah" mozhno budet uvidet' syuzhety iz Rossii, svyazannye s etim prazdnikom. No tut na uglu zdaniya, raspolozhennogo naprotiv gostinnicy, brosilas' v glaza yarko-krasnaya neonovaya nadpis': "RASPOUTINE". V drugoj raz ya, byt' mozhet, otneslas' k etomu bolee spokojno, a sejchas -- v Parizhe, v mgnoven'ya, kogda dusha napolnena toskoj po chemu-to utrachennomu navsegda -- uvidet' "nashe" slovo pokazalos' pochti mistikoj. My perestupili porog, i nam otkrylsya roskoshnyj inter'er restorana, razukrashennyj russkoj tradicionnoj simvolikoj. Aristokraticheskogo vida nemolodoj muzhchina v chernom kostyume i belosnezhnoj rubashke nas poprivetstvoval na prekrasnom russkom yazyke i predlozhil projti v obedennyj zal, gde sideli, gotovye vystupit', razodetye v tradicionnye russkie odezhdy muzykanty. Vsego neskol'ko stolikov byli zanyaty. Poskol'ku vo vseh restoranchikah i kafe bylo polno narodu, (a hotelos' bol'she gulyat' po Parizhu), my do etogo naskoro pouzhinali v neobyknovenno krasivom i uyutnom, raspolozhennom pryamo na Elisejskih polyah, "Magdonal'se", potomu zdes' v "Rasputine" nastroilis' na legkij dessert s kofe- tol'ko dlya togo, chtob obresti povod posidet' v zale. Pravda, kogda nam prinesli menyu i my uvideli oshelomlyayushche vysokie ceny, to, priznayus', niskol'ko ne pozhaleli, chto sud'ba nas zavela v eto mesto sovershenno sytymi. Muzykanty zaigrali, i zadornye lihie russkie narodnye melodii pokazalis' mne rezko kontrastiruyushchimi s grustnym, tosklivym vyrazheniem ih lic, osobenno glaz. Vskore poyavilis' pevcy, tancory. Pochti vse oni byli krasivy, no odin iz pevcov srazu obratil na sebya vnimanie. Gustaya prosed' volos, tomnaya ustalost' vzglyada pridavali ego obliku, kotoryj, kazalos', vobral samye prekrasnye cherty predstavitelej vseh yuzhnyh narodov, kakuyu-to utonchennuyu emocional'nost'. On pel znakomye pesni, romansy, no menya ne pokidalo oshchushchenie, chto vse, chto on delaet v etom zale, slovno otdaleno ot nego. On pel, hodil po zalu mezhdu stolikami, no vo vsem obnazhalasos' vnutrennee ego otchuzhdenie ot proishodyashchego vokrug. -- Mne znakom etot chelovek, no ya ne pomnyu, otkuda, -- vdrug skazal moj muzh, napryazhenno vglyadyvayas' v lico pevca. Mne tozhe pokazalos', chto ya ego kogda-o videla, i ego oblik vdrug vossoedinilsya v moem voobrazhenii s belym parohodom, s morem, no ya nichego konkretnogo ne mogla vspomnit'. -- Vy, sluchajno ne odessit?, -- sprosil muzh pevca ostorozhno, kogda on, okazavshis' s gruppoj muzykantov u nashego stolika, vyzhidal muzykal'nuyu pauzu. Tot ulybnulsya glazami, vyraziv takim obrazom utverditel'nyj otvet. My dosideli do konca dlinnogo i raznoobraznogo koncerta i, vyjdya na ulicu, tut zhe stolknulis' s pevcom, kotoryj progulivalsya vdol' zdaniya restorana, vozmozhno podzhidaya nas. Muzh sprosil: -- Otkuda zhe ya vas vse-taki znayu? -- A menya v Odesse mnogie znali, ved' ya tot samyj Karuzo, -- otvetil on, niskol'ko ne somnevayas', chto ego poyasnenie daet ischerpyvayushchu dlya nas informaciyu. No moya pamyat' nichego ne izvlekla iz svoih kladovyh, -- vozmozhno, potomu, chto ya nikogda ne byla svyazana s ulichnymi mal'chisheskimi kompaniyami. K tomu zhe v Odesse kazhdyj rajon imel svoih "ulichnyh geroev" tipa "ZHory-professora", "Mishka rezhet kabana", populyarnyh na Moldavanke, gde proshli moe detstvo i yunost'. Odnako i moj muzh, korennoj odessit, ne mog identificirovat' "Karuzo" s chem-to konkretnym. My dolgo gulyali so starym-novym znakomym, razgovarivaya ni o chem. On ne sprosil nas o nas, my ego -- o nem. V kakoj-to moment mne pokazalos', chto ya poteryala oshchushchenie prostranstva: bulyzhnaya mostovaya parizhskoj ulicy slovno slilas' s takoj zhe odesskoj, i my gulyaem po nochnoj Odesse, kak brodili vsegda v Den' Pobedy posle fejerverkov. Mozhet byt', potomu my ne govorili ni o chem konkretnom, chto dlya nas vazhno bylo ne soderzhanie razgovora, a obshchenie kak takovoe, svidetel'stvuyushchee, chto nikakie razlichiya v obraze zhizni i zanyatij, nikakie rasstoyaniya i peripetii sudeb ne mogut pomeshat' nam oshchushchat': my deti odnoj mamy- Odessy, kotoraya odarila nas energiej morya, otkrytost'yu stepi, teplotoj solnca, filigrannost'yu nepovtorimogo yumora, pomogayushchego nam preodolevat' trudnosti i oshchushchat' radost' i krasotu zhizni vo vsem. Udiviel'ny perepleteniya nitej zhizni chelovecheskoj! V Parizh my priehali posle neskol'kih dnej, provedennyh v Italii. Italiya vpervye voshla v moyu detskuyu dushu prekrasnoj pesnej, kotoruyu ochen' lyubili v poslevoennoj Odesse. Ona zvuchala togda pochti iz kazhdogo patefona i grammofona, stoyavshih na podokonnikah kvartir moego doma, i dlya menya navsegda ostalas' simvolom radosti i krasoty primorskogo berega. V russkom perevode ona nachinalas' so slov: "Kak divno svetit posle buri solnce... ". Ne pomnyu, kogda i ot kogo ya uslyshala etu pesnyu vpervye. Mozhet byt' ot zapisannogo na plenke Karuzo, togo, nastoyashchego "velikogo Karuzo"? Ili ot, -- kak opisyvaet ego togdashnego Aleks Borisov- huden'kogo pacana s chernymi kak smol' kudryavymi volosami i ogromnymi kak masliny glazami, pohozhego ne to na cygyna, ne to na ital'yanca s Odesskoj ulicy, gde nikto ne znal ego podlinnogo imeni, ibo nikto ego inache, kak Karuzo, ne nazyval; ot pacana, ch'i cherty tak yavstveno proglyadyvali s lica nemolodogo krasavca, s kotorym nas svela majskaya noch' v Parizhe. Sant-Luis. 1996 Copyright @ Larisa Matros YA i ditya zhurnal "Bol'shoj Vashington" No 4 ( 34) 2001. (g. Vashington) V starye vremena govorili: "razreshit'sya rodami". V tolkovom slovare S. Ozhegova i dr. eto slovosochetanie privoditsya kak odna iz rasshifrovok znacheniya glagola "razreshit'sya", to est' "poluchit' reshenie, stat' yasnym, reshennym. Kak , odnako, verno, gluboko i filosofski eto zvuchit: rodit' rebenka-znachit stat' yasnym reshennym... -- imenno to, chto ya oshchushchayu s poyavleniem na svet etogo moego ditya. Obshcheizvestno, chto do pervogo krika, izveshchayushchego yavlenie rebenka v etot mir, on dolzhen byl byt' zachat i vynoshen v moej utrobe. Zachatiyu predshestvovalo neskol'ko vykidyshej, kotorye ponuzhdali otkazat'sya voobshche ot zhelaniya imet' eto ditya.. No net!!! CHto-to, kakie-to vneshnie sily veli menya i zastavlyali povtoryat' i povtoryat' popytku. I vot ditya uzhe zashevelils', zadyshalo i ya pochuvstvovala sebya polnost'yu vo vlasti teh zhivitel'nyh sokov, kotorye producirovalis' vnutri menya dlya obespecheniya emu pitaniya i prohozhdeniya etogo tainstvennogo, eshche slabo ponyatogo naukoj processa ego razvitiya i podgotovki k vyhodu v svet. Dolgij process vynashivaniya byl tyazhel moral'no i fizicheski i iz-za soprovozhdavshih ego toksikozov, kotorye vlekli depressivnye sostoyaniya, trevozhnost', golovokruzheniya, toshnotu, perepady krovyannogo davleniya. Rody byli muchitel'ny, osobenno, kogda nachinalis' shvatki: ya uzhe obessilena i hochu poskoree vytolknut' ditya, a ono ne daetsya, soprotivlyaetsya, trebuet dopolnitel'nyh nravstvennyh i fizicheskih usilij dlya togo, chtob emu yavit'sya miru krepkim, gotovym vystoyat' v usloviyah postoyannyh protivorechij vneshnej sredy. K tomu zh rody oslozhnyal personal roddoma, to i delo stremyashchijsya svyazat' mne ruki i nogi, daby polnost'yu zavladet' processom vypuska na svet bozhij moego ditya.. Dvizhime lichnymi interesami, eti, tak nazyvaemye, okushery pohozhe ne peklis' ni obo mne, ni o rebenke, v silu chego, ya oshchushchayu sebya obdelennoj, a u rebenka vidny rodovye povrezhdeniya. S pervyh mgnovenij svoego rozhdeniya rebenok zazhil samostoyatel'noj zhizn'yu. I etot etap yavlyaetsya samym volnitel'nym i trevozhnym: kak slozhatsya vzaimootnosheniya mezhdu mnoj i im teper', kogda ya bolee ot nego zavisima, chem on ot menya. Po suti, ot menya uzhe nichego ne zavisit v ego sud'be. A budet li chto-to zavisimo v moej sud'be ot nego?! V material'nom otnoshenii ya malo chego ot nego zhdu, dazhe v situacii esli mne budet sovsem hudo. YA zhelayu emu material'nogo procvetaniya, hotya sama na nego ne raschityvayu. Takova zhizn'... No, chto sovershennno opredelenno v nashih vzaimootnosheniyah, tak eto to, chto moral'no, ya uzhe ne izbavlyus' ot zavisimosti ot moego ditya nikogda! Vernee ne ot nego kak takovogo, a ot vospriyatiya ego okruzhayushchimi lyud'mi. Vot on delaet pervye shagi, a ya uzhe vo vlasti navozhdeniya. Moj rebenok uzhe gde-to dalego puteshestvuet, no ya, slovno ego ten', sleduyu za nim, vsmatrivayus' v lica lyudej, v ih razgovory, chtob ponyat' ih otnoshenie k nemu. . Huzhe vsego, esli ya ne obnaruzhivayu nikakogo otnosheniya. Togda ya hochu krichat': "Lyudi, dobrye! Vsmotrites'! Svoim poyavleniem na svet, moj rebeneok obogatil vashu zhizn' kakoj-to novoj energiej, novym dyhaniem, kak vse, chto proizvoditsya chelovekom. I uzhe etim dostoin vashego vnimaniya. YA ne proshu, chtob vy ego lyubili, hotya moj plod-eto ditya lyubvi i potomu on neset vam lyubov', sostradanie, prichastnost' ko vsemu, chto proishodit vokrug. Nu pust' vy ne sochtete ego dostojnym vashej vzaimnosti v lyubvi. Tak (uvy). neredko byvaet v zhizni. No, pozhalujsta, ne bud'te ravnodushny. Pospor'te s nim, porugajte ego, nakonec, poshlepajte, tol'ko ne delajte ego zhizn' ushcherbnoj oshchushcheniem im svoej nenuzhnostiyu. YA vlozhila v svoe ditya stol'ko, chto u menya est' osnovaniya nadeyat'sya na ego dolguyu blagopoluchnuyu zhizn'. Kogda vynashivaesh' v sebe plod, dumaesh' tol'ko o tom, chtob poskoree im razreshit'sya i togda nastupit oshchushchenie legkosti i svobody. No ne tut-to bylo! Okazyvaetsya, chto imenno s poyavleniem rebenka na svet, vse stradaniya i zaboty tol'ko nachinayutsya... No... s kazhdym mgnoven'em, ya vse bol'she ponimayu, chto eti stradaniya -- est' mizernaya plata za tu privilegiyu, kotoroj menya nagradila priroda- privilegiyu proizvesti na svet eto ditya. |ta plata v konechnom itoge- neizbezhnyj atribut schast'sya ot samogo fakta etogo rozhdeniya, i potomu ona nikogda ne budet prepyatstviem dlya kazhdogo, komu zhizn' bez etih detej ne imeet polnoty i smysla. I vse zhe, ya obrashchayus' k Vam, lyudi dobrye: ne oskorbite nevnimaniem, ravnodushiem etogo rebenka, esli vy gde-libo i kogda-libo vstretite ego. Kak ego uznat'? -- sprosite Vy. YA nazovu ego imya i familiyu. Familiya ego -- Tvorchestvo, Imya... -- imen u nego mnogo, no ya nazovu lish' naibolee zapominayushchiesya: Proza, Poeziya,, Nauchnaya ideya, Melodiya.... Vam predostavleno pravo popolnit' etot spisok imenem,, kotoroe vam naibolee blizko i ponyatno. Sant-Luis 2001 g Copyright@ Larisa Matros O SOLE MIO It is obvious that, among environmental factors (with the exception of a human relations) the strongest influence on our moods is made by the sun and music. Often this influence on our moods is made by subconscious, when the sun (coming from clouds), or a melody,appear at the most difficult moments, and suddenly they can fill us with optimism and the joy of life. It happened, that for me these two drugs: the sun and music, became unified into one symbol: a wonderful Italian song,O SOLE ?io. That song has won my heart since my childhood. In my native city Odessa, residents are often compared with Italians,because of their appearance, temperament and style of relations.That song, as well as other Italian songs, was very popular in Odessa especially during post-war years. In spite of a poor life, miserable housing, and grief because of losses during the war of near relations and friends, those songs turned hearts toward the beauty of the sea, the warmth of the sun, the happiness of love and have remained forever - as reliable protection from despondency and sadness. -The Fate decided nearly few years ago I should find myself in St. Louis, USA, where everything was new and very different from what I was used to in Russia. Loneliness and nostalgia were typical state of my soul during that time. One spring night, my husband and I were returning home from some business, and suddenly we discovered a place previously unknown to us and unusual for an American city. It is like a small piece of Europe, filled with peoples walking, - with windows of small shops,and sounds from local restaurants. On the top of the tallest gold color building is a sign +ACI-West Port . Walking along of the one of the buildings I started to feel a state of emotional comfort and bliss, without recognizing what was - happening. When,in a moment, I did realize Italian music was playing somewhere inside, I understood the reason for my feeling. We went - into the hall of the cozy piano bar, without reading its name.There at the corner furnished by musical instrument on a tall chair,was a performer of Italian songs. He sang accompanied by a mandolin and by the pianist,who was beside him.The songs continued one after another. And when I heard Sole Mio I imagined that I felt the great and mysterious Causation - of Times, everything of those what was molded me, educating and determining the meaning of life. It felt like all the people who were with me in my childhood and youth: my parents, teachers and friends had come to me in the image of this song, and would never let me feel loneliness and homesickness again.Upon leaving the restaurant,we had a feelings in this city we was acquired friends in the shape of those songs. We learned later that the performer of the songs, Italian Nino - is a very talented person. He is not only an excellent singer and musician, but also an artist, who has studied art in Europe. All the halls of the restau- rant, (which belongs to him and named by his name),are decorated by pictures painted by his hand. There is always very warm and comfor- table atmosphere, which, I think, is defined by very emotional Italian music. Since then, whenever anybody visits us from former Soviet Union, or when we just need to improve our mood, we go to Nino's to listen O Sole Mio. -May be I would never have thought about that-when I'd heard that song the first time- if I had not read the remarkable essay by my fellow-townsman Alex Borisov, which was published in the almanac Panorama (Los Angeles, CA . In the essay, the author describes the pages of life of one of representative of the generation, whose childhood and youth were spent during the years w- after the war. Then in Odessa, as well as everywhere else war has passed, there were many children and youths who lost their parents and became homeless. They were trying to make money for survival in different ways: little thefts, begging, playing cards, performing on the streets. Alex Borisov in his essay tells about one such boy, who was notable because of his remarkable beauty and excellent voice. - He was going along the streets and neighborhoods, performing Italian songs popular in Odessa. Because of that, peoples called him +ACI-Caruso. Borisov describes his meetings with "Caruso"+,when he was young, - when he became a professional singer performing in different cities of the USSR and when the fate of immigration brought them together in Italy. - The essay was published shortly after my visit Paris, and inspired the exciting memory about one evening there,which by the essay has afforded a special meaning.That evening in Paris happened at the beginning of May,when the World was celebrating the 50 years of Victory over fascism. Huge crowds of people and a touching ceremony dedicated to that date, were held by the Triumph Arch, recalling a lot of sharp nostalgic memories related to my post-war childhood. My husband and I were - going back to our hotel when evening began, and we wanted to switch on the TV to watch the news from Russia ,which certainly would have an information about Victory Celebration. But on the corner of the building which was located across the street from our hotel,we saw the bright red neon sign-RASPOUTINE. At any other time, I would not pay attention to that, but now in Paris, when all my soul was filled by the anguish for something that was - lost forever, it was almost mystification to see +ACI-our- Russian word. - We crossed the doorstep and behind the door we found the luxurious interior of the restaurant, decorated with various Russian traditional symbols. The handsome, aristocratic-looking senior man in a black suit and a snow-white shirt welcomed us in excellent Russian and invited us into the dining hall, where the musicians in traditional Russian clothes were ready for the coming performance. Just a few tables were occupied and we chose the most convenient table for observation show. Since we already had dinner before,we were looking forward to having a light dessert with coffee, just to have an excuse to sit in the hall. The musicians started to play and soon the singers and dancers showed up. Almost of them had beautiful faces, but one singer attracted our attention at once. Thick hair touched with grey and a languorous tired look brought special emotionalism to the beauty man's image. It seemed he collected the best features of the representatives of all the Southern nations. I know this man, but I didn't remember from where,- my husband suddenly said, attentively looking at the face of the singer.-It also seemed to me I saw him once, and his image suddenly was connected in my mind with a white ship,blue sea, but I could not - remember anything concrete. -Are you Odessian? asked my husband with care, when the musicians was close to the by our table, during a pause in the music. The singer already started to sing and playfully smiled with his eyes, expressing by this his positive answer.We stayed until the end of the long concert,and going up the street we bumped into the singer, who was walking along the outside of the restaurant, possibly waiting for us. His eyes lit by a dim lamp in the dark street, looked even more beautiful. -Where do I know you from?-, my husband asked the singer. -Many people known me in Odessa. I am that same - Caruso...-- answered he. We were walking on Parisian street for a long time together with our new-old friend, talking about nothing, because for us it was not so important the content of conversation. More important was the filling we are children from one mother Odessa, which gives us energy - from the Sea, openness from Prairie, warmth from Sun, emotionalism from it's street's music. At some moment it seemed to me I lost the feeling of space and it looked like the cobblestone pavement of the Parisian street merged with a similar odessian street, where the sound of the beautiful song +ACI-O, Sole Mio- was playing. Letter,reading the essay by Alex Borisov, I tried to remember, where and by whom I heard that song first time. Maybe by Caruso, recorded on a disk- the real Great Caruso+ACI-,or, by as - Alex Borisov described him, a thin boy, with black curly hair, and - huge, like- an- olives,eyes.Boys who was looking like a Gypsy or an - Italian from an Odessian street, where nobody did not known his real - name, since everybody called him Caruso because of his voice, which - face so evidently looked from the face of the grey haired handsome man, with whom the May night brought us together. Maybe it is not so important as that fact that song came into my life and always helps me. And I am very thankful to the Great Caruso, to the black-eyed boy, to Nino and to all, who, in spite of all fashions, keep allegiance to the tradition's wonderful songs, being born in wonderful Italy, washed by the sea and warmed - my the sun like my native city Odessa. Those wonderful melodies warm the soul, save the memory, and in spite of all that disconnect our World, make it unified and understandable in all languages. NE ZABYTX BUDUSHCHEE (Orientaciya na faktory ustojchivosti- novaya koncepciya mediciny) "Vestnik" NoNo 22, 23, 24 .1993 Navernoe, net neobhodimosti sovremennomu obra-zovannomu chitatelyu napominat' propisnye is- tiny o tom, chto sem'ya eto yachejka obshchestva, kotoraya formiruet cheloveka... i t.d. i t.p. No vot vopros o tom, chto takoe horoshaya ili plohaya sem'ya, ochevidno, ne tak uzh bespredmeten, ibo otvetit' na nego odnoznachno ne mogut sejchas dazhe specialisty i sushchestvuet po etomu povodu davnyaya diskussiya... V tradicionnom predstavlenii etih ponyatij horoshaya ili blagopoluchnaya - eto stabil'naya, beskonfliktnaya sem'ya, neblagopoluchnaya - naoborot. Odnako issledovaniya pokazyvayut, chto esli nachat' ocenivat' te ili inye tipy semej po kriteriyu sohraneniya zdorov'ya ee chlenov, to zdes' harakteristiki neskol'ko smeshchayutsya i snova trebuetsya opredelit' "chto takoe horosho, a chto takoe ploho", kak etogo hotel "kroshka-syn". Tak vot, esli etot kroshka-syn zhivet a sem'e, gde oba roditelya kuryat, to u nego pochti net shansov byt' zdorovym. Issledovaniya sibirskih medikov, naprimer, pokazali, chto v sem'yah, gde prozhivalo po 1 kuril'shchiku, respiratornymi zabolevaniyami boleli chasto 68% detej; 31,6% - boleli redko. V sem'yah, gde 2 kuril'shchika, prakticheski zdorovymi okazalis' tol'ko 16,2%, a podavlyayushchee bol'shinstvo detej - 83,8% - stradali chastymi bronhole-gochnymi zabolevaniyami. V sem'yah, gde nahodilis' 3 kuril'shchika, ne obnaruzheno ni odnogo prakticheski zdorovogo rebenka... A vot drugie primery: obsledovaniem bol'shih grupp naseleniya v SSHA bylo pokazano, chto esli oba roditelya budushchego rebenka stradayut polnotoj, to emu v dvuh sluchayah iz treh grozit ozhirenie; esli tol'ko odin iz roditelej - v odnom sluchae iz treh, a esli oba roditelya hudye, to veroyatnost' razvitaya ozhireniya u rebenka vsego odin shans iz 200. |ti yavleniya, po mneniyu issledovatelej, svyazany ne stol'ko s nasledstvennoj predraspolozhennost'yu, skol'ko s sushchestvuyushchej v sem'e kul'turoj pitaniya i obrazom zhizni v celom. Obraz zhizni roditelej zakladyvaet fundament zdorov'ya rebenka, nahodyashchegosya eshche v utrobe materi. U kazhdoj pyatoj materi, upotreblyayushchej alkogol',.roditsya slabyj, chasto boleyushchij rebenok, a u kazhdoj tret'ej otmechaetsya nedonashivanie. A mezhdu tem vo mnogih stranah mira chislo kuryashchih rastet a o