Area : OBEC.PACTET
From : Vladislav Perlin, 2:5020/605.64 (12 Apr 97)
Origin: http://koi8-r.www.orgland.ru/~maxim/Kopku/ShitHappens.html
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Shitisms
Taoism Shit happens. If you can shit, it isn't shit.
Shit happens, so flow with it.
Hare Krishna Shit Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding. She-it
happens, She-it happens, happens, happens,
she-it, she-it... (Repeat until you become
one with she-it). Please this flower and buy
our shit.
Confucianism Confucious say, "Shit happens". Confucious
says, "If shit has to happen, let it happen
PROPERLY."
Buddhism If shit happens, it isn't really shit. If
shit happens, it isn't really happening TO
anyone. Shit will happen again to you next
time.
Zen What is the sound of shit happening?
7th Day Adventism Shit happens on Saturdays.
Hinduism I've seen this shit happening before. This
shit is not a religion, it is the way of
life. This shit happening IS you.
Protestantism If shit happens, it happens to someone else.
If shit happens, praise the lord for it!
Calvinism Shit happens because you don't work hard
enough.
Episcopalianism If shit happens, hold a procession.
Lutheranism Shit happens, but as long as you're sorry,
it's OK.
Anglicanism It's true, shit does happen -- but only to
Lutherans.
Catholicism If shit happens, you deserved it. You were
born shit, you are shit, and you will die
shit.
Charismatic Shit is happening because you deserve it, but
Catholicism we love you anyway.
Judaism Why does shit always happen to US? Why does
shit always happen just before closing the
deal?
Reform Judaism Got any laxatives?
Islam If this shit happens, it is the will of
Allah. If shit happens, take a hostage. We
don't take any shit.
Nation of Islam Don't take no shit!
New Age That's not shit, it's feldspar. A firm shit
does not happen to me. This isn't shit if I
really believe it's chocolate. I create my
own shit. If shit happens, honor it and share
it. Sheeeeeeeeeeit! Were all part of the same
shit. For $300, we can help you get in touch
with your inner shit.
Wicca If shit happened once, it will happen twice
more. The Goddess makes shit happen.
Jehovah's Witnesses No shit happens until Armaggedon. There is
only a limited amount of good shit. Knock
Knock, "Shit Happens." Here, we insist you
take our shit. Shit happens door to door.
Secular Humanism Shit evolves.
Darwinism Survival of the shittiest.
Christian Science When shit happens, don't call a doctor -
pray. Shit doesn't happen and I am not up to
my eyeballs in it. Our shit will take care of
itself. Shit happens in your mind.
Atheism I don't believe this shit! It looks and
smells like shit, so I'm damned if I'm going
to taste it. Shit doesn't happen. Shit is
dead. No shit!
Religion from an I haven't smelt, seen, touched, or tasted it.
Atheist's point of But it's shit.
view
Agnosticism It looks and smells like shit, but I haven't
tasted it, so I'm not sure whether its shit
or not. What is this shit?! How can we KNOW
if shit happens? You can't prove any of this
shit!
Rastafarianism Let's smoke this shit! Hey, this is good
shit, mon.
Mormonism If shit happens, shun it. Excrement happens.
(you can't say 'shit' in Utah) Hey, there's
more shit happening over here! Our shit is
better than your shit. Shit happens again
& again & again ...
Energizer Bunny Shit happens and happens and happens and ...
Baptist You are shitting all wrong, and you'll be
punished for it. We'll wash the shit right
off you.
Southern Baptist Shit will happen. Praise the lord!
Iraqi Baathist Oh shit!
Voodoo Shit doesn't just happen -- somebody dumped
it on you. Let's stick some pins in this
shit! This shit's gonna get you!
Televangelism Your tax-deductible donation could make this
shit stop happening...
Unitarianism What is this Shit? We affirm the right for
shit to happen. Go ahead, shit anywhere you
want. It's not the shit that matters. It's
the process.
Orthodox St. Sergius found his faith in deep shit.
Greek Orthodox Shit happens, usually in three's.
EST I am at cause that shit will not happen.
You're responsible for all the shit that
happens.
Fundamentalism There's no shit in the Bible. Shit happens,
but don't publish it.
Twelve Step Shit happens one day at a time.
Amish Shit is good for the soil. This modern shit
is worthless.
Shintoism You inherit the shit of your ancestors.
Moonies Only happy shit really happens.
Stoicism This shit happening is good for me.
Zoroastrianism Shit happens half the time.
Bahaism Why do you keep shitting on us?
Mysticism This is really weird shit.
Paganism Shit happens for a variety of reasons.
Rajhneesh Give us your shit and put on this orange
shit.
Rosicrucianism What is this AMORC shit?
Satanism We hope bad shit happens to all of you. We
will make your shit happen.
Witchcraft Mix this shit together and it will happen!
Scientology All this happens to be shit. If you leave us,
bad shit will happen to you.
Shamanism Whoaa...Holy Shit!
Sikhism Leave our shit alone.
Sureshism You are all pieces of shit.
Branch Davidianism May shit happen to the FBI! If shit happens,
have a BIG barbecue...
Dianetics "Why does shit happen?" (p. 157)
Last-modified: Sat, 06 Dec 2003 21:38:50 GMT