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 Date: Thu, 6 Mar 1997 14:09:14 +0200
 From: Ricardo Szmit 

  o  Real Programmers don't eat quiche.
     They like twinkies, coke and palate-scorching Szechwan food.

  o  Real Programmers don't write applications programs.
     They program right down on the bare metal.
     Applications programming is for the dullards who can't
     do systems programming.

  o  Real Programmers don't write specs.
     Users should be grateful for whatever they get:
     They are lucky to get any programs at all.

  o  Real Programmers don't comment their code.
     If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand
     and harder to modify.

  o  Real Programmers don't document.
     Documentation is for simpletons who can't read listings or
     the object code from the dump.

  o  Real Programmers don't draw flowcharts.
     Flowcharts are the illiterate's form of documentation.
     Cavemen drew flowcharts; look at how much good it did for them.

  o  Real Programmers don't read manuals.
     Reliance on a reference manual is the hallmark of the novice
     and the coward.

  o  Real Programmers don't write in RPG.
     RPG is for gum-chewing dimwits who maintain ancient payroll programs.

  o  Real Programmers don't write in COBOL.
     COBOL is for COmmon Business-Oriented Laymen who can't run a
     business, much less write a real program.

  o  Real Programmers don't write in FORTRAN.
     FORTRAN is for wimp engineers who wear white socks.
     They get excited over finite state analysis
     and nuclear reactor simulation.

  o  Real Programmers don't write in PL/1.
     PL/1 is for insecure anal-retentives who can't
     choose between COBOL and FORTRAN.

  o  Real Programmers don't write in BASIC.
     Actually, no programmer writes in BASIC after reaching puberty.

  o  Real Programmers don't write in APL,
     unless the whole program can be written on one line.

  o  Real Programmers don't write in LISP.
     Only idiots' programs contain more parenthesis than actual code.

  o  Real Programmers don't write in PASCAL, BLISS, ADA, or any
     of those other sissy computer science languages. Strong typing
     is the crutch for people with weak minds.

  o  Real Programmers' programs never work right the first time.
     But if you throw them on the machine they can be patched into
     working order in only a few 30-hour debugging sessions.

  o  Real Programmers never work 9 to 5.
     If any Real Programmers are around at 9:00 am,
     its because they were up all night.

  o  Real Programmers don't play tennis, or any other sport which
     requires a change of clothes. Mountain Climbing is acceptable.
     Real Programmers wear climbing boots to work in case a mountain
     should suddenly spring up in the middle of the machine room.

  o  Real Programmers disdain structured programming.
     Structured programming is for compulsive neurotics who were
     permanently toilet trained. They wear neckties and carefully
     line up sharp pencils on an otherwise clear desk.

  o  Real Programmers don't like the team programming concept.
     Unless, of course they are the chief programmer.

  o  Real Programmers never write memos on paper.
     They send memos via computer mail networks.

  o  Real Programmers have no use for managers.
     Managers are a necessary evil. They exist only to deal with
     personnel bozos, bean counters, senior planners, and other
     mental defectives.

  o  Real Programmers scorn floating point arithmetic.
     The decimal point was invented for pansy bedwetters who are
     unable to "think big."

  o  Real Programmers don't drive clapped-out Mavericks.
     They prefer BMW's, Lincolns, or pick up trucks with floor shifts.
     Fast motorcycles are highly regarded.

  o  Real Programmers don't believe in schedules.
     Planners make up schedules.
     Managers "firm up" schedules.
     Frightened coders strive to meet schedules.
     Real Programmers ignore schedules.




Last-modified: Sat, 08 Mar 1997 13:04:11 GMT

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